seize something!

wow so i love how you can get all fired up about something but then realize you aren't making much of a difference. you sit there and are like, 'okay so this is when it gets real. i'm actually going to live what i say and what i believe and i'm really gonna do it. starting....now.' and then you don't do anything. okay i don't know about you, but then i don't do anything. and it's frustrating. i know i'm not the first to use this verse this week but it's fairly applicable (the bible usually is...) "i don't understand myself at all, for i really want to do what is right, but i don't do it. instead, i do the very thing i hate. i know perfectly well that what i am doing is wrong...but i can't help myself...i know i am rotten through and through...no matter which way i turn, i can't make myself do right. i want to, but i can't. when i want to do good, i don't. and when i try not to do wrong, i do it anyway." i'd say paul hit the nail right on the head with that one. at least it's encouraging to know that christians have felt that way for thousands of years, but at the same time...oh look we were screwing up then and we're still screwing up now. yeah...it's called life. but it's discouraging to be sitting somewhere thinking 'this is it- i should be doing this-and-that' and then just sitting there until the opportunity is gone. carpe diem! what do they say at anderson? carpe momento! we only have so many moments on this planet and each one should be used for something. ahh but i like to sleep. and that accomplishes a lot in this spiritual warfare...riiight. i'm really good at talking about the stuff other people should be doing, but i'm lacking in the 'GO DO IT' area for myself. so if i've tried to sound like a know it all- i apologize. and please help me to see things myself. be a nathan and tell me straight up if i'm too close to the sun to hear god say it. sometimes we need those voices here on earth. like i've said, god can come disguised in many forms if he's trying to tell us something. i just keep trying to remind myself "that's not what it's about" when other things get in the way. maybe i should change the 'ABBA' on my hand to 'NOT ME.' maybe it would better serve its purpose.

by the way-- medeival dinner theatre was this weekend (into the woods) and we successfully got into a snowball war (not a fight...this was war) after the saturday show. fortunately they've planned for us to do it again during school on friday for the student body (the show not the snowball fight) so i get to be cinderella one last time. and enhance the bruises on my knees from scrubbing the floor all through the first scene. the boys would be so proud.
and friday night approx. 9 to 11 (after the basketball game)--youth hangout at lyona...live band (guess who!) and lots of fun so plan on coming out and seeing us.

si tu savais