so i asked this kid to go prom with me today. it was fun. out of the blue...he thought i was joking. it was really funny. but then he said yes so now i have a really fun person to go to prom with. and he's from my school, which will be kind of a new thing and it will be completely casual and fun. i love people who you can just hang out and goof around with. plus he's a genius. gotta love the smart goofy boys. prom isn't until may, but i didn't want to have to worry about it later. so i decided to ask him in french class. yay it will be fun. plus it's valentine's day and i miss all my children of eden valentine people from last year so i wanted something fun that i could look back on for valentine's day 2005. girls group tonight will be fun- nothing like a bunch of christian girls doing an out of eden study on valentine's day! woo-hoo watch out boys!
my parents and i are headed out to anderson again this weekend. scholars weekend, which means we get lots of free (kind of) stuff and we get to see the opera which i am sooo pumped about. i love going out there so much and this will definitely be my fourth time since july. boo-yah. so if you're at anderson- find me this weekend and say hello : ).
wow my eyes are wigging out lately....they just feel tired all the time even if i actually got more than five hours of sleep. ugh. maybe i'll go take a nap. haha but my mum's all about valentine's day so she's making chicken parmesan (my request) and she made a cake and my dad supposedly got me something (he does every year...i wonder if he still will when i get married haha) and she rented a movie which i probably won't watch (saw it with the group this weekend)...yay i love my family.
lata lata and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY-- i love you all! (for real...)
Monday, February 14, 2005
Sunday, February 13, 2005
don't wait for "somebody else"...they're waiting for you
so...what a crazy day. awesome, but crazy. and kinda weird. i woke up at 7:30 to get ready for auditions at 10:00- i wanted to be semi-warmed up (or just awake) by the time auditions started. they didn't take nearly as long as i thought they might, and i regretted having never taken a tap class in my life. oh well, we'll find out about the shows soon enough, and if i don't get cast/hired, i can go to jamaica and creation and the outer banks and possibly take the full time babysitting job i was offered (which would pay more than the theatre company...). i win either way- it's in god's hands. then i danced with this amazing little girl in the big service tonight. it's so wonderful to do what you were born doing and bring glory to christ with it. i can't even explain the feeling...just go try it. figure out what you love to do, way deep down, what you were made for, and say "god, this one's for you" and mean it. after we danced i ran across the parking lot to the youth building and led worship....it was one of those times where i'm like "god i can't do this on my own- anything i would say would be completely worthless...speak through me." so i was praying and was all fired up anyway from being able to dance and sing for jesus in the same day, and i mentioned some things out of the blue that ended up completely having to do with cliff's message that he gave. it was so cool. all i can say is: god is awesome.
...however, high school is not. this was the not-so-amazing and enjoyable part of the day. for the youth service we watched this video about teens always trying to fit in and the way the world looks at us and the way god wants us to be with others. they had some interviews with some kids, and one of the boys was kinda chubby and they had a clip of him like dropping his lunch box in the cafeteria and he was telling the interviewer that he just never felt like he fit in anywhere and no one liked him or would talk to him....and he didn't really know why. some of the boys were chuckling at him and being like "cuz he's fat" and stuff...oh my gosh i could have freaked out. i just sat there and cried...call me emotional or sentimantal or whatever- but there are so many hurting people that gather in buildings every day from 8 to 3 with hundreds of people who ridicule them, but deep down feel the same way about themselves, and it makes me sick- because no one tries to change it! how many teens are in the U.S. now? millions. hundreds of millions. and how many of us are christians? probably a bigger number than most would think- we're so good at hiding it. "you're the best kept secret in my generation...and i've found you out." let's start a revolution! just CARE about people. go talk to people who are alone. how can we call ourselves followers of jesus christ if we don't do what he tells us or try to act like him...aka loving people despite how "comfortable" we feel while we're doing it. who says serving christ is comfortable? do you think we can affect people and tell them about the amazing freedom and love of having a personal relationship with the creator of the universe by sitting back and thinking "they'll get it on their own...somebody else will tell them....someone else will pick up their books...somebody else will go talk to that boy sitting alone at lunch...someone else will be friends with that pregnant girl...somebody else will make them feel wlecome at youth group..." who will? all the "somebody elses" are thinking the same thing! GET UP, and DO IT. step out. jesus did- and look at all the amazing things that happened. people were getting saved by the thousands every day. and someday we'll get to see those people in heaven. wouldn't you like to know that that overweight lonely boy in your homeroom will spend eternity knowing he's loved by jesus rather than sitting in hell with satan because no one here did what god was screaming in our ears, and thought he was important enough to be told about christ. even if it won't be fun...or easy...or people will think you're weird...or you will lose the 'popularity' you've been working so hard to get. or...i'll do it later. i'll talk to them next week, when i'm not so busy. when i'm not so tired. when i don't have so much homework. when there aren't so many people around. guess what- you don't have all the time in the world. how would you feel if that boy or girl was in a car accident on the way home from school that day? you missed your chance. and so did so many other people....who waited for "someone else" to do it. that's why we're still here. jesus could come back for us right now...but he LOVES us all! he doesn't want to leave anyone behind, but since he gave us freewill, it's up to us to accept him. and the world is so screwed up now that it's so hard to find the truth, so he's given us the job of bringing the people to him through their own freewill- he won't make us. or them. but he knows how hopeless it seems right now, so he's giving us more time to tell more people about him. and what are we doing with our time? worrying about homework? worrying about having enough money to buy the clothes we want to wear? getting all worked up about what so and so thinks of us? giving ourselves pity parties for our own little problems? and i'm not accusing....i'm listing some of my own faults. but something tells me that i'm not the only one struggling with this...because the world isn't exactly getting any better. especially young people. and not because we're horrible people, but just because, saved or not, we're lied to every single day about what matters and how we should spend our time and about faith. get past the lies. don't listen to a world that tells you that you should do whatever feels right for you and you should focus on all of your own problems and expect everyone else to do the same....has it worked so far? swim against the current, find some people who can help you keep swimming, and start caring about OTHER PEOPLE. work hard now, so that we can all celebrate together FOREVER in heaven, in the presence of the god who loves us more than we can ever know, and living perfect worry-free lives. we don't deserve that any more than anyone else. so why are we keeping it a secret?
...however, high school is not. this was the not-so-amazing and enjoyable part of the day. for the youth service we watched this video about teens always trying to fit in and the way the world looks at us and the way god wants us to be with others. they had some interviews with some kids, and one of the boys was kinda chubby and they had a clip of him like dropping his lunch box in the cafeteria and he was telling the interviewer that he just never felt like he fit in anywhere and no one liked him or would talk to him....and he didn't really know why. some of the boys were chuckling at him and being like "cuz he's fat" and stuff...oh my gosh i could have freaked out. i just sat there and cried...call me emotional or sentimantal or whatever- but there are so many hurting people that gather in buildings every day from 8 to 3 with hundreds of people who ridicule them, but deep down feel the same way about themselves, and it makes me sick- because no one tries to change it! how many teens are in the U.S. now? millions. hundreds of millions. and how many of us are christians? probably a bigger number than most would think- we're so good at hiding it. "you're the best kept secret in my generation...and i've found you out." let's start a revolution! just CARE about people. go talk to people who are alone. how can we call ourselves followers of jesus christ if we don't do what he tells us or try to act like him...aka loving people despite how "comfortable" we feel while we're doing it. who says serving christ is comfortable? do you think we can affect people and tell them about the amazing freedom and love of having a personal relationship with the creator of the universe by sitting back and thinking "they'll get it on their own...somebody else will tell them....someone else will pick up their books...somebody else will go talk to that boy sitting alone at lunch...someone else will be friends with that pregnant girl...somebody else will make them feel wlecome at youth group..." who will? all the "somebody elses" are thinking the same thing! GET UP, and DO IT. step out. jesus did- and look at all the amazing things that happened. people were getting saved by the thousands every day. and someday we'll get to see those people in heaven. wouldn't you like to know that that overweight lonely boy in your homeroom will spend eternity knowing he's loved by jesus rather than sitting in hell with satan because no one here did what god was screaming in our ears, and thought he was important enough to be told about christ. even if it won't be fun...or easy...or people will think you're weird...or you will lose the 'popularity' you've been working so hard to get. or...i'll do it later. i'll talk to them next week, when i'm not so busy. when i'm not so tired. when i don't have so much homework. when there aren't so many people around. guess what- you don't have all the time in the world. how would you feel if that boy or girl was in a car accident on the way home from school that day? you missed your chance. and so did so many other people....who waited for "someone else" to do it. that's why we're still here. jesus could come back for us right now...but he LOVES us all! he doesn't want to leave anyone behind, but since he gave us freewill, it's up to us to accept him. and the world is so screwed up now that it's so hard to find the truth, so he's given us the job of bringing the people to him through their own freewill- he won't make us. or them. but he knows how hopeless it seems right now, so he's giving us more time to tell more people about him. and what are we doing with our time? worrying about homework? worrying about having enough money to buy the clothes we want to wear? getting all worked up about what so and so thinks of us? giving ourselves pity parties for our own little problems? and i'm not accusing....i'm listing some of my own faults. but something tells me that i'm not the only one struggling with this...because the world isn't exactly getting any better. especially young people. and not because we're horrible people, but just because, saved or not, we're lied to every single day about what matters and how we should spend our time and about faith. get past the lies. don't listen to a world that tells you that you should do whatever feels right for you and you should focus on all of your own problems and expect everyone else to do the same....has it worked so far? swim against the current, find some people who can help you keep swimming, and start caring about OTHER PEOPLE. work hard now, so that we can all celebrate together FOREVER in heaven, in the presence of the god who loves us more than we can ever know, and living perfect worry-free lives. we don't deserve that any more than anyone else. so why are we keeping it a secret?
Monday, February 7, 2005
learning...learning...learned.....learning...learning...
so i've learned a lot. i always seem to, but it's not me- it's totally god. as mr. ferraro says, "life is a series of problems. you're either just recovering from one, in the midst of one, or headed toward the next one." but as disheartening as that sounds, it's a reason for hope. life is like that for everyone, but those who have come to know christ as our best friend and the one who saves us don't have to worry about problems. i'm not saying problems won't happen- believe me they will- but they shouldn't make us worry. god is right at our side and tells us that he is working everything out for our good (if we love him). if that isn't uplifting, i don't know what is. and so if we're guaranteed to spend life going from one problem to another, we may as well learn from them and take something with us to help us handle the next, or help others as they go through something too. i feel like i could sit here forever and reflect on all the stuff that's been happening (good and bad) and that god would show me even more just by my writing it down. he just keeps reminding me how awesome he is, and that he wants me to share it all with him. wow. so anyway...
i got my scholarship. i've been praying nonstop for the last like three weeks just that everyone involved would look to god in deciding on these scholarships, and from there, if i was supposed to get one, that i would. and i did- 11 grand a year for four years. "god can do so much more than we could ever imagine or dream of..." and i got a tiny part in the high school musical...that was an interesting experience. but hey- back to prayer- i had been praying for god to help me with my problems with selfishness and pride...so he did. it's kind of hard to be selfish when you're watching other people rehearse the parts you would have liked...but it teaches you a thing or two about humility, andultimately it'll work out quite nicely. because then, god likes to say "come on- i love you so much, did you think i was finished?" this summerstock opportunity opens up at one of our community theatres (summer stock is basically a lot of theatre in a short amount of time), and it's with a professional company which means PAID POSITIONS! that's basically unheard of in pennsylvania unless you're in pittsburgh or philly. i would pretty much sing and dance my heart out for a month- performing a different show every week (8 showings a week from wed to sunday) and meanwhile be rehearsing for the next one. we will also be traveling to the other two theaters that are involved (one in the pocono's--i could take pictures and send them to dewey!!!-- and one outside of philly). housing is provided, all we would pay for is our food, and the salary for an ensemble member is $200-$250 a week. i would be the happiest person on the face of the earth. i just have to make sure that i would be back in time to go to anderson in august. i don't have all the details yet, but it would be amazing. auditions are this saturday (the 12th) so maybe you could holla up to jesus about that one for me- if it's his will, aww dude it would be unbelievable.
on a more serious note- i've given up something that was dragging me down. not going to go into detail, but there was something that i was trying to see through god's eyes, but was really seeing god through the eyes of how i wanted it to happen. and that doesn't work....and it was taking its toll. one of those times when you think you're right on track...but it still hurts so much! so you realize that you were totally missing the point because you thought you had it all under control....but that's just it- YOU thought YOU had it under control, when god's saying, "i love you and know what's best for you- let me show you how to do this and you will have a peace about it." so i did. and he did. i shed a few tears and told him i was serious this time- that i was done with letting it hold me back from all that god has waiting for me in this life. and even just driving home after the awesome service on sunday (in the glorious weather- i had my window down and my music blaring) i felt so free whenever i thought of the things that even that morning had made me feel like i would never find a way out. god is awesome. and i don't deserve the things he does for me because i've messed up so many times, and i know i'll mess up so many more times, but that's what the word GRACE is all about. he loves us more than our human minds can perceive....so much that if we mess up, he's waiting for us to say "god i did it again, i'm sorry..." and run to his open arms. yeah...that's the kind of god i serve.
i got my scholarship. i've been praying nonstop for the last like three weeks just that everyone involved would look to god in deciding on these scholarships, and from there, if i was supposed to get one, that i would. and i did- 11 grand a year for four years. "god can do so much more than we could ever imagine or dream of..." and i got a tiny part in the high school musical...that was an interesting experience. but hey- back to prayer- i had been praying for god to help me with my problems with selfishness and pride...so he did. it's kind of hard to be selfish when you're watching other people rehearse the parts you would have liked...but it teaches you a thing or two about humility, andultimately it'll work out quite nicely. because then, god likes to say "come on- i love you so much, did you think i was finished?" this summerstock opportunity opens up at one of our community theatres (summer stock is basically a lot of theatre in a short amount of time), and it's with a professional company which means PAID POSITIONS! that's basically unheard of in pennsylvania unless you're in pittsburgh or philly. i would pretty much sing and dance my heart out for a month- performing a different show every week (8 showings a week from wed to sunday) and meanwhile be rehearsing for the next one. we will also be traveling to the other two theaters that are involved (one in the pocono's--i could take pictures and send them to dewey!!!-- and one outside of philly). housing is provided, all we would pay for is our food, and the salary for an ensemble member is $200-$250 a week. i would be the happiest person on the face of the earth. i just have to make sure that i would be back in time to go to anderson in august. i don't have all the details yet, but it would be amazing. auditions are this saturday (the 12th) so maybe you could holla up to jesus about that one for me- if it's his will, aww dude it would be unbelievable.
on a more serious note- i've given up something that was dragging me down. not going to go into detail, but there was something that i was trying to see through god's eyes, but was really seeing god through the eyes of how i wanted it to happen. and that doesn't work....and it was taking its toll. one of those times when you think you're right on track...but it still hurts so much! so you realize that you were totally missing the point because you thought you had it all under control....but that's just it- YOU thought YOU had it under control, when god's saying, "i love you and know what's best for you- let me show you how to do this and you will have a peace about it." so i did. and he did. i shed a few tears and told him i was serious this time- that i was done with letting it hold me back from all that god has waiting for me in this life. and even just driving home after the awesome service on sunday (in the glorious weather- i had my window down and my music blaring) i felt so free whenever i thought of the things that even that morning had made me feel like i would never find a way out. god is awesome. and i don't deserve the things he does for me because i've messed up so many times, and i know i'll mess up so many more times, but that's what the word GRACE is all about. he loves us more than our human minds can perceive....so much that if we mess up, he's waiting for us to say "god i did it again, i'm sorry..." and run to his open arms. yeah...that's the kind of god i serve.
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