so i realized something really cool today. tonight actually, listening to the radio on the way home from town. there was a speaker who's on every night around 9:30ish- i usually hear him on my way home from dance. i only caught the very beginning of it, but he was speaking about overcommitted workaholic people. and as any of the first church of god kids'll tell you...that's about me in a nutshell. i'm working on it but it's so hard for me to give things up and know that they may not get done the way i want them to. ugh. icharus. so anyway this speaker brought up the story in luke 10:38-41. jesus visits the two sisters mary and martha. i was all like, okay, i know this story: mary sits at jesus' feet and listens while martha does all the work for dinner and around the house. so martha comes in and says "hey jesus, shouldn't mary be helping me? it's not fair that i have to do all the work." and jesus says something to the effect of "mary has found the one thing that's worth being concerned about" (which is listening to the truth). so the speaker on the radio goes on to briefly explain the story (in words just a little different from mine....probably more sophisticated haha) and although that was basically the point when i got to my house and switched the radio off, just the way he worded it opened up a meaning to that story that i had never realized before. he quoted martha as saying, "shouldn't mary be helping me serve? why do i have to serve all by myself?" all of a sudden i realized that it's not only people who find themselves 'too busy' for god that find themselves suffering, but also those who are so busy trying to serve god on their own that they don't seek him to guide them through it. and that's where the frustration comes in. believe me, i'm there. you sit there yelling at god wondering why things are going so horribly. "i'm serving you god! that's what you told me to do and still things are screwing up! this is when things are supposed to get better not worse." but just because in my mind i'm convinced that i'm serving god doesn't mean i really am. the way to find out is by staying in constant touch with him about what you're doing and what he wants you to do. you can work till you're blue in the face but if it's not all about him and for his glory then you'll just find yourself exhausted with nothing real accomplished. however if you take things in god's time and learn what he needs to teach you first....sit at his feet and eagerly listen to what he has to say....he'll take what you have and are willing to give and use it to the fullest extent. you will be blessed, others will learn the truth about this god who loves us more than we could ever imagine, and we will be fulfilled in knowing that we are fulfilling our purpose. unfortunately i'm at the negative end of this spectrum...i'm exhausted but i think now i'm starting to understand why. my priorities are wrong. i am doing things 'for god'....but really just for me. that's not what it's about. it's not about me. and apparently listening to the first two and a half minutes of a radio program can make some of that clear. but saying is much easier than doing. i guess that's where god comes in anyway. i love how he always works things out so that all roads lead to him. and fortunately he's there to guide us along every step of the way.
"to rid myself of all but love. to give and die."
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