let me fly

so i saw narnia tonight with my family. i basically cried through the whole thing. is that weird? i've just been overwhelmed with a lot lately and emotions seem to be having their way with me. the movie brought up so much. i went in knowing that the story resembles very closely that of jesus and what he did to save us stupid humans. i also knew that i was fairly emotionally unstable. all i've been wanting lately is an adventure. this movie is full of it. life and death situations, fighting for truth and being in the presence of someone (something?) so magnificent and pure and strong. knowing that your actions and decisions make a difference. and the whole sacrifice bit- so powerful when you know that it is telling the true story of a man who knew that blood had to be spilled to save the life of a traitor (me. you. them.) so he gives his own life. pain and shame and all that comes with death. seeing the enemy's face when they think they have outsmarted truth and that they have won. the look of pain on a face that knows he must be murdered before anyone will understand what he is doing. and then the glory and overwhelming joy at seeing the beauty and strength of the life that was brought back to... life. and knowing that everything will be fine, more than fine, amazing, because he's back and he loves you and you understand why he did what he did and cant believe that it was all for you, when you should have been the one who was murdered a hundred times over. and even those who the enemy thinks they have taken are brought back to life by him who has returned. i get breathless just thinking about it. is that weird? not that i really care. it was so beautiful. it painted the picture of the truth in salvation and grace and sacrifice and strength in the way that nothing else could.
and apart from all the spiritual stuff, it made me miss isaiah soooooo much. my older brother is seriously one of the most amazing people in the world. we think differently and believe differently and eat differently and relate differently, but he loves me so much. even though he doesnt believe in this life of ministry that i am working toward, he will sit and ask and listen just to try to understand because it obviously means so much to me. if i devote my entire life to something then he supports me no matter what and will be open to it. and he will fight for me. the movie is obviously a fantastical version, but in any sense of life, fantasy or otherwise, he would fight for and love me just as hard and diligently and passionately as the oldest brother in the story fights for and loves his siblings. and the caring side as well. if we had to run away from danger, he would not let me fall behind. if i was cold he would find me a coat and make sure it stayed on. if something threatened me he would put himself on the line in front of me. not many people have someone in their life who they know loves them that deeply AND are willing to give their all and really FIGHT anything for them. i love him. and i miss him.
who would have thought crying through a disney movie would have such an effect on me....