droopy eyes

i'm tired. i tell myself that i can pretend to be like everybody else and put things off or just hang out with people or stop and have a regular meal.
and then the catch-up avalanche buries me. and i seem to get sick at these beautifully inopportune times. because busy people can do even less when they're sick. but busy people don't have a choice. they don't miss class. and work. and turn assignments in late. and lounge with friends. not because they don't have the ability, but because they've learned that taking a break means incomprehensibly (and in my case unmanageably) more. which in turn leads to less sleep again. which in turn leads to not getting better from being sick. which in turn leads to struggling through accomplishing anything even more. this is the cycle.
mine won't stop until august.
hopefully if i go home in august i won't get sick there. again.