i have to map this out... bear with me

i wish priorities were simple. or that you could just have an idea and go through with it and not have to map out the repercussions and later live with them and try to figure out whether or not it was worth it.
i'm talking about school.
most people i know are seriously debating staying in school right now. ok that's not entirely true- most of them are realizing that it's an option to leave and we would be much less in debt and do we really need it or are we just here because it's the thing to do and where we are... but then we all get too scared of the actual possibility of leaving that we give up on it. like we don't have a choice. but we do.
im studying theatre. and i'm still not entirely sure that's what i want to do professionally, but i've come to terms with the fact that just an uncertainty about theatre doesn't mean the entire education is worth nothing if i don't use that specific part of the degree. and because i don't know whether or not i'll go professional, in some senses i already have the experience and ability to get into the theatre that i'd want to do without having the degree or title. but... graduating and having a bachelor's will ultimately be a benefit because the whole level of job potential is being reworked around my generation being college graduates. and i'm a bit of a nerd-- i like to run things, not just sit and watch. but any position like that will require a liberal arts degree. which i will have. if i stay in school for another year. and get another year's worth of debt that i can't even begin to pay.

and so what about traveling? what about living on just enough to get by and change and spontaneity of being young? how does that work with 40+ thousand dollars of school loans? we're chaining ourselves to a grind stone... but what other option do we have, especially when we already have three years of school under our belt? my parents had it so good- moving to cali right after high school and living on whatever they could gather and sharing with friends and traveling and living it up while they could. but now they're suffering from middle-age-middle-class-syndrome, with very little wiggle room in any direction. my dad still drives trucks around all day to pay for the groceries. he's 51 years old. and he's brilliant. but in a lot of ways he's just stuck.

so rational thinking...

i guess i'm staying in school. above, when i was talking about people considering radical possibilities then just giving up and going back to knowing that they won't actually make the hard decision and quit school... yeah that's me. but other options... some of the humanitarian aid programs will defer school loans while you serve with them. americorps does. so i could still take advantage of my not-settled-anywhere-yet position and my extremely low budget and my need to go out and do things that aren't spending thousands of dollars to make myself more marketable-- and still get out and about for a while.

yeah but then theatre comes back up. i'll never be more prepared to do well than right after 4 years of training. but going straight to theatre means going straight into loans. going straight into a low income that has to get me normal things like rent and groceries. straight to hoping for a touring job because they're exciting and pay the best, but are a strain on things like... hmmm relationships? and as much as i would love to put my art before everything else, traveling around and leaving behind someone who i finally just got a hold of... does not sound like a fun idea to me at all.

back to square one? or maybe just an educated square one. education is expensive.