everything seems to be irritating me. and yet somehow i'm not in a constant state of irritation. i'm in a constant state of contentedness about certain things and excitement in looking forward to other situations. maybe it's the staticity (that is a word as of now) of home... some things never change. especially when i see my family this many times in one semester. maybe i haven't been gone long enough this time to appreciate coming back. all the adults in my family seem to be getting older. they sit around and joke just like they always have- it's just slightly more bitter and fatalistic sounding now. and i can see more of the hurt that is so easy to miss and ignore when we're the children. i'm sure growing up seems just as weird to them as it does to me seeing it happen to them. i find myself then in a strange spot- do i have to fill in the spaces they've left? do i have to have the same kinds of relationships? what happens to the differences between us? i know i can forge my own way but we seem to have cut out the shape of our family, so the places where i differ from that tend to get stuffed down when i'm with them. they would love me no matter what. they would just make 'trying-to-understand' faces and then talk among themselves later. they forged their own way when they were younger-- that seems to have led to this new formation we have in front of us to fill. so where does that expect of us?
i guess just follow the trend and set things the way we want them to go. and endure the faces. and then leave again to go back where the other half of you makes sense.
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In order to escape, Icarus must avoid flying too close to the sun so that his wings do not melt, but at the same time he must also avoid flying too close to the earth, to avoid being trapped by those who seek to find him. This is the balance, many other Greek Myths go along this same way, searching for a balance, perhaps that should apply to life? Facing reality can be hard, but searching to far for something better can be disastrous. Helpful, maybe not, but I hope so.
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