summer and way too many restaurants

this is more recent.... an attempt at some honesty here. im usually not very good at that (about myself).

in case any of you were wondering... im at home. not in anderson doing summer courses. the script writing class was cancelled and to make a long story short, my mum offered to just come get me the day before i was supposed to move out and i took her up on it. but i was relying on going back to indianapolis in june for an internship at a church out there... but then i got this email:

Leah, I'm sorry it took so long to get back with you. I talked with the worship arts pastor about the internship. After discussing with him, and looking at the aim of the internship this summer is not going to happen. Apparently the worship arts ministry area isn't as equiped to bring in interns as i had thought. I work with other ministry areas and assumed that all of them were equally equiped to bring in more people and mentor them in such away that the would develop as leaders. As of now there is not a drama aspect to the worship arts ministries, when we had talked it was in the makings and i thought that it would be put into action by now but because of several reasons it has not yet. In the fall this process will begin. Because of all this it would not be fair to you to ask you to come and try to on your own with very little staff support and mentorship try to get a drama ministry started. Leah, The reason we can't bring you in has nothing to do with you. You are a solid individual and i am not the onlt person upset about not being able to bring you in for an internship in the area of drama. I would have loved to be able to work alongside and with you in this process this summer. Next summer we will have a drama ministry begun at our church that should be able to really develop someone with your passions and interest. if you are still interested in such an opportunity you would be more than welcomed. God has great things in your present and future. If you have any further questions or anything feel free to email me.



sooooooo... maybe not. and im kinda frustrated. not just about the internship. ok so to be completely honest- im really frustrated about this summer. i dont know what the heck im going to be doing, and i feel like any control i was attempting to give back to god just fell through the floor and the outcome of this summer was dumped back into my lap… and i dont want it any more. im trying to give him back control, and i feel like he's not taking it. although thats not completely true, because all of these decisions that ive made have been.. .mine. ive decided. i just DO NOT WANT TO STAY IN MEADVILLE ALL SUMMER. and its really nothing against meadville. i have some amazing friends here. and if i stay i can work and make more money, i can travel, i can go to the beach with my family, i can see my friends, etc... but i only have a few summers to go out and do wild and crazy things (or at least learning experiences that dont pay whole lot...). i was looking into church internships, theatre internships, camps, classes... but everything seems to be falling through. and i know that if i stay home i might actually find myself sitting still long enough to think about getting back on track from this inescapable crappiness. but i feel like being in meadville for the summer could hinder more than help that movement anyway.who knows. i'll look back at this later and think, 'oh yeah i remember when i was all ticked off and didnt know what that summer was gonna look like.' not sayng that by then it will have all worked out well, but at least i will know the end of the story by then. what really did (will?) happen this summer. oh boy.